Sobriety

My first therapy session.

So I know that therapist get a really bad wrap, but don’t be so quick to think negative about it. I had my first one on one therapy session today and I was surprised at how much I liked it. I tried my best walking in with an open mind, but really had no idea what to expect. To be honest, I assumed I would sit there, babbling on and crying the whole time. I was pretty anxious and nervous driving there. I called my mom and my boyfriend almost for reassurance that I was doing the right thing, or at least not doing something bad, by going.

It amazes me, how when asked about your life, you don’t realize just how much shit has really gone on. I am 29, not super young, but not old. Thinking I was going to be able to tell a stranger, in 75-90 minutes, everything about myself was a joke. For starters, those minutes FLY by once you start talking. Secondly, soul searching and finding answers takes way longer than one session. As he proceeded to ask the questions, I began spilling everything. I found myself bringing stuff up from when I was 7 to things that happened just last year. I was amazed at some of the things that just clicked as I was saying them out loud. It was like, as soon as I finished a statement or sentence, my mind was like OH DANG, that makes sense. I did end up crying, more than once, but was okay with it. Some questions were personal and some made you really think. I liked that, that is what I was looking for when deciding I was going to try therapy out. One question in particular really got me. I mean, before he could even finish his sentence I was in tears. In so many words, he asked me what exactly my goals were for therapy. BOOM, water works, I could barely spit out my answer. The answer to that was tough to say because it is truly a desire of mine, I want to fall in love with myself. I want to love myself for all my flaws and all my strong points. I want to have true confidence, not liquid courage. I want to know my worth. I want to be so high on life because I have proven to myself just what I am capable of. I am tired of spending my days/nights drunk and hungover, wasting away my life. I was meant for more than that!

I am so very happy I decided to go tonight and look forward to a few more. I am also going to be looking for an AA class to join. I have never been to one, but have heard is a huge help in recovery so why not. Right now, I know I am on a beginners high to get sober, and want to make sure I have a good support system for when that wears off. Tonight marks 15 days sober, and while I am still feeling bad physically, I know that this too shall pass. It only makes me want to get sober even more and never look back. I don’t ever want to put my body through this again! ❤ ❤ ❤

PS. My mornings are SOOOOO much more enjoyable now and I am actually starting to be excited waking up early for the day.

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